Best Trivia - Exercise

“I can hardly wait till the first person says, ‘Ohhhh – you’ve lost weight, haven’t you?’  I can hardly wait to be able to take a shower without having to lift rolls of fat to wash under.  In fact, when I’m through with this diet, a shower will take me only half the time because I’ll be only half the woman.” [January 27, 1985] 

Rosemary Green – Diary of a Fat Housewife: A True Story of Humor, Heartbreak, and Hope

“I’m trying out for the swim team!  I can’t believe I’m doing this.  I had to go and pick the one sport that you have to wear a bathing suit in.  If I didn’t love swimming so much I would never do this.  But I always wear 2 or 3 suits so you can’t see my body as much.  I also take my towel right to the pool edge and drop it right before I dive into the water.  Most of the girls on the team do this. 

We’re all sooo self-conscious of our bodies.  Every day in the locker room you can hear almost every girl complain about her body.  At least we all have that in common.  I HAVE TO STOP EATING!! Dressing out every day is like pure hell for me.  I think about it all day.  I don’t know how I even focus on my schoolwork anymore.” [January 5, 1988]  

Linda M. Rio and Tara M. Rio – The Anorexia Diaries: A Mother and Daughter’s Triumph over Teenage Eating Disorders

“Due to the tonsils coming out, I am getting fat and it depresses me so that I am starting today to lose it.  It will be interesting to see whether I have any willpower.  Be hard because I love to eat.” [January 18, 1940]

John Steinbeck – Working Days: The Journals of The Grapes of Wrath: 1938-1941

“I’m in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and wanting a hot fudge sundae.”

refrigerator magnet

“Whenever you rue working out, be thankful you’re healthy enough to be able to work out!”

Patty Martino Alspaugh

“Sweets: Girls who eat a lot of sweets will soon develop bigger seats.”  

Evan Esar – Esar’s Comic Dictionary

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat?

Her favorite food is seconds. 

Joan Rivers

“The body, we know, when over-labored, becomes heavy, and, as it were, jaded; but it is exercise alone that supports the spirits and keeps the mind vigorous.” [De Senectute., I, 11.]  

Cicero

“When Thompson hit seventy, he decided to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer.  He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam, and he took sunbaths.  In just three months’ time, Thompson lost thirty pounds, reduced his waist by six inches, and expanded his chest by five inches.  Svelte and tan, he decided to top it all off with a sporty new haircut.  Afterward, while stepping out of the barbershop, he was hit by a bus. 

“As he lay dying, he cried out, ‘God, how could you do this to me?’

“And a voice from the heavens responded, ‘To tell you the truth, Thompson, I didn’t recognize you.'”   

Thomas Cathcart & Daniel Klein- Plato and a Platypus Walk Into A Bar…Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes

“Now they can suck the fat out of one part of your body and put it into other parts.  Boy, that’s a bad idea. I want them to suck the fat out of my body and put it into Cindy Crawford.”

Rita Rudner (That’s Really Funny)

“Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, look what’s in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, look what’s in bed and go to the fridge.”

diet: “What you keep putting off while you keep putting on.” – Herb Sherry

Webster’s Unafraid Dictionary: Defiant Definitive Put-Downs – Leonard Louis Levinson

“Was fatness forever and ever to be my lot? My mother’s highest accolade was thinness—’Why, look at Connie Bennett, she’s so thin, she could swallow an olive and it would show?’ That is what my mother held in highest esteem.”

Gloria Vanderbilt – Once Upon a Time

“Miss Tri Athlete shared a conversation with me the other morning.  She said, ‘It feels really good to get this out of the way first thing in the morning, doesn’t it:  I think when you plan to exercise in the evening it just hangs over you like a bad cloud all day.'”  

Cheryl Peck – “Queen of the Gym“ (Scoot Over Skinny)

“An obese woman goes to the doctor for a check up.

The obese woman is rather ashamed of her appearance and says, ‘I’m sorry, doctor. I’ve rather let myself go.’

‘Not at all,’ says the doctor holding up a tongue depressor. ‘Now just open your mouth and say Moooo!'”

Prader-Willi syndrome, a rare inherited dysfunction of the hypothalamus, that makes one “incapable of experiencing satiety. And though they eat only half as quickly as most people, they do not stop.  Unless their access to food is strictly controlled (some will eat garbage or pet food if they find nothing else), they become mortally obese.”  

Atul Gawande – “The Man Who Couldn’t Stop Eating“ (Scoot Over Skinny)

“Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker”

Ogden Nash

“Exercise your mind regularly with new ideas; it needs to be kept as fit as your body.”

David Baird – A Thousand Paths to Long Life

“Minnie and Mattie
   And fat little Mary
Out in the country
   Spending a day…”

Christina G. Rossetti

“SCHNEIDER. ‘… Eleven years we were together. Then he died. And it was after that that I became fat. The bosom, you know. It grew and it grew. And it is such a weight to carry about with you. It is like carrying a suitcase. Two suitcases… And it is sad that it should all have grown after he died. He was a man for bosoms. It would have made him so happy.'”

I Am A Camera – John Van Druten

“Not much is delightful—I’m the first to admit it—about being fat: the joints ache and the lungs wheeze in mere anticipation of a staircase; any temperature above zero calls for extreme nudity and intravenous ice water; clothes shopping preparations include a motivational speaker and prescription narcotics; and the act of picking up, say, a dropped quarter is something to be accomplished only with the toes, lest bending the prominent midriff results in toppling, concussion, death.

Moreover, a fat person is a pariah, subject to the kinds of vitriol once reserved for eighteenth-century witches.  My sister, who is a supersized chick like myself, has had food hurled at her from passing cars (with accompanying size-related slurs) in two of these United States when she was out for healthy strolls; both she and I, idling our cars at traffic lights, have had drivers alongside us shout helpfully, ‘Get out and walk, fatass!’ (and then what, they’ll throw cheeseburgers?); and grocery cashiers have repeatedly—I kid you not—held up our purchases and speculated, ‘I guess you didn’t notice the low-calorie version,’ or something similar.  These are not infrequent incidents; some sort of confrontation, subtle or overt, occurs every time I leave my house, unless I am accompanied by a thin person (whose presence seems to discourage unseemliness, I assume because Smalls don’t like other Smalls to see them behaving badly)… Given the excruciating circumstances I have already mentioned… what fat person in her right mind would not decide to be smaller?… the larger the person, the more individual weight-reduction schemes she has followed—the low-fat plan, the low-carb, the all-lettuce, the grapefruit, the cider vinegar, the amphetamine, the liquid protein, the vitamin ‘milk shake,’ the exercise-till-you-drop, and so on. It is not, then, that we are fat because we’ve never intended otherwise; we’ve intended otherwise over and over again, and have grown, over time, ever larger.  The reasons for our perpetual avoirdupois vary from genetics to discouragement to socioeconomics.”

Natalie Kusz – “The Fat Lady Sings” (The Bitch in the House – Cathi Hanauer, ed.)

“Chew more and swallow less. Good for the digestion. Good for the tastebuds.”

Patty Martino Alspaugh

fatty: “One who exceeds the feed limit.”

Webster’s Unafraid Dictionary: Defiant Definitive Put-Downs – Leonard Louis Levinson

“12 Easy Toyko Tips: How to start living like a healthy Japanese Woman Today:

1. Practice hara hachi bunme—eat until you are 80 percent full.
2. Become a master portion controller—serve modest-size portions on small, beautiful tableware.
3. Eat and chew your food at a leisurely pace, savoring every bite.
4. Take special time to admire the beauty of your food and its presentation.
5. Eat more fish, fresh fruit, and vegetables—and fewer saturated fats and trans fats.
6. Cook with canola oil [nonhydrogenated-NO trans fat] or rice bran oil.
7. Treat yourself to a Japanese power breakfast: miso soup with vegetables, egg, and tofu.
8. Think of vegetables more often as a main dish—and red meat as a side or occasional dish.
9. Have a bowl of short-grain white or brown rice with your meals instead of white bread, muffins, or rolls.
10. Instead of sweetened soda, drink cold unsweetened Japanese tea.
11. Walk everywhere you can.
12. Remember that loving to eat well is an important art of being healthy—and that cooking and eating should be fun.

*Bonus tip for living even healthier: eat less sodium and more whole grains.

Naomi Moriyama – Japanese Women Don’t Get Old or Fat