Between Periods – Jim Daniels
“Last night, a friend called
to say she’s dying of brain cancer.
Someone is drilling through the still
summer air. The sound clenches
my teeth. It’s going in cleanly.
It leaves only a small hole.
My daughter pretends to wash
her hands. As if it were that easy
to wash off the dirt of this world.
She’s laughing and wants me
to laugh too, to share the joke
like her first secret.
My friend asked if I was watching
the big play-off game
between my team and her team
before she told me she’s dying,
I said no, I’m watching my kids.
That must have sounded
a little cold. First time her team’s
made the finals. My kids were screaming
about who goes first, who’s the leader.
She was hysterical over a hockey game,
suddenly a big fan. We’ve got some crazy birds
here who start chirping early—not even
close to morning, not a glimmer
of light anywhere. What the hell is she
doing, I ask my wife, as if she’s to blame.
What the hell is she doing
with cancer? She has a teenage son.
They were watching the game
together. Who’s drilling what
on this lazy afternoon? What makes
it lazy? If it’s lazy, does that make it
slower for the dying? It’s my birthday.
My kids are downstairs making me a crown.
The doctors talked her out of chemo. Too late.
She can still eat. She’s lost a lot of weight.
I look good, she said. I didn’t know what
to say on the other end.
Oh Debra, Oh Debra, I said
as if repetition could keep her
here. On this earth. I want to be a spike
nailed to it, but it’s my birthday—
I’m a stick man with a stick cane.
My son collects sunshine in baskets,
offers me some. I count the states
between us. Will I see her again?
I put on my crown, tilt it
at a jaunty angle. We practice
blowing out the candles. I clean off the Z
on my keyboard. it doesn’t get used much.
The A looks great. Hey kids, let’s not answer
the phone, hey kids, let’s wash our hands
before we eat.
She knows what’s up. She’s keeping
her hair, dyeing it blond,
like she always wanted. Fuck ’em,
she said, and started to cry.
It was between periods.
They were going to start up again soon—
she had to go, go, go.
Hope your team wins, I said,
even if it means beating mine.
Fuck ’em, I agreed, and there was nothing
more to say.
I lay sleepless in twisted sheets.
3 A.M. The birds were chirping.
Already? I said.” |